Mister Wants A Brownie
by lexkixass
Summary: While the wizard's away, the cat will play.  SPOILERS for "Summer Knight".


**Mister Wants A Brownie  
**

**

* * *

**

My eyes open at a hint of unusual sound. Except this sound isn't all that unusual. The jingle of The Dog fetching his own leash to bring to The Human is a common one.

Ordinarily, this wouldn't wake me from my well-deserved rest. But of late, The Human and The Dog going out while one or both are lacking a sense of urgency means something exciting is going to happen.

I stretch silently, elongating my body and stretching out my paws to their fullest extent. My claws are as sharp as The Human's couch allows. They will do.

I open one eye to see The Human glance at me. He is affirming I am still there, I know. Not that he should. He generally notices when I leave. But then again, he is human and therefore imperfect.

The Human and The Dog leave, and The Human wrestles his broken door into place. My whiskers buzz a moment as he re-engages his wards. Only when I detect the faint sounds of the two of them mounting the steps do I hope down from the mantle.

I have vowed that this time, I shall catch the winged human-like things that periodically invade my domain. For while The Human calls me "Mister" (I should call _him_ "Mister Uncreative"), my true name is Sparrowbane.

I sniff around, making sure nothing has changed. I have found a new ambush point beneath the bed, directly across from The Human's closet. I _will_ catch those lightballs, this time. And then The Human will acknowledge who is the better hunter, while The Dog will humble himself in awe.

I settle myself into a crouch, my tail straight behind me, and prepare to wait. I close my eyes so light can't reflect back. I barely breathe. I am silent as the night and still as a statue. Heh. My prey knows not what awaits.

Time passes. Then the scent of pine whiffs by my nose, making it twitch.

They're here.

My tail-tip can't help but quiver in anticipation, though I continue to hold myself still and firm. It's difficult to keep from licking my whiskers in anticipation of a meal. Magical meat. Rumor from the other toms is that there's nothing quite like a brownie snack.

I find myself purring in future glee and I make myself stop. These brownies have surprisingly good hearing, as I've learned.

I hear them chattering to each other, and I hear the sounds of the objects in The Human's main room moving about into a proper order. I must approve of the brownie's results as The Human is quite slovenly. One would think that one doesn't mess his living space. Haven't I shown him time and again that one takes care of their business elsewhere? No wonder he has so many unwelcome visitors. He doesn't seem to leave the proper markings that this is the space _he_ has claimed.

Humans.

I push those thoughts away. My impending snack was _much_ more important than the failings of monkey descendents.

The brownies finish with the main room, and then begin on the bedroom, still chattering. I hear the rustle of clothes and sheets and so open my eyes. I see the closet door open and a light zoom in. I wait until it starts waving a tiny stick at the shoes before I attack.

My jump is perfect. My timing is better. I manage to see that pointy-eared, pointy-nosed face as the brownie shrieks in terror; my mouth is open and ready to taste fresh-

-AWK YUCK PINE BLECCH!

I land among the shoes, my mouth filled with that disgusting tree sap-tasting mist. I cough. I gag. I paw furiously at my mouth while that damn'ed brownie _laughs_ at me. I growl and snarl, flattening my ears in displeasure. More determined now, I lauch myself again at the brownie, intending on trapping the thing beneath my bulk before I bit its head off.

The chase was fierce. I sneezed when it sprayed more pine-mist at me, but refused to give up! It zigged, I zagged; I felt cloth give under my claws as I chased it over the bed. It soared and I leapt after it, skidding on the smooth wood of his nightstand and sending everything else crashing to the floor. It zipped low to the ground; I chased it with all possible speed, bouncing off furniture occasionally and hearing more objects hit the ground with heavy thumps. It fled for a corner and I _jumped_ to land victoriously! Purring my pleasure, I kept a hard, clawed paw on the body. It was smaller than my usual provender, but this, this was special meat. I ducked my head

-a;slkdgsa;lghs NO FAIR TEAMING UP!

I coughed and hissed as I fled, trying not to choke on the cloying pine-mist. Ugh, the stuff was _disgusting_. Thankfully; The Dog's bowl still had water in it, and I drank rapidly to try and dislodge the taste. When that failed, I pawed at my tongue again. Even that didn't work! So I started washing myself in the hopes any shedding hair could cleanse my tongue.

It took a full, all-over bath to get rid of most but not all the taste. And by then, the little bastards were gone. The place is spic-and-span, and my nose twitched distastefully at the over-thick pine scent. Irritated and feeling a little sore, I sit by the door and demanded The Human let me out _now_.

After too long a time, The Human _finally_ opens the door. I squeeze out as soon as space allowed and flew up the steps to the street. There had to be something with which to cleanse my palate.

I sniff the air.

Garbage! Nearby! Hooray!

/end


End file.
